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Hell In A Cloak Of Holiness
Stopping Sexual Scandal In The Messianic Movement - Part 7
(Read Part 6 First if you haven't)
Sexual abuse is horrifying. It's even more horrifying if you, or your relatives, or your children, or your faith community have been forced to walk through it. Even more horrifying than that is if you deny the hell that happened, or is still happening around you.
The perverted old pedophile I grew up beside walked free for years, not because no one knew, but because no one said anything, therefore no one did anything. Eventually someone spoke up and he died of AIDs in prison where he at least couldn't steal any more innocence.
When I started speaking out about this 8 years ago, half of me still felt sorry for that disgusting old man who raped teenage boys across the driveway from my bedroom and bragged about measuring their genitals with his tape measure. I've witnessed enough since then that I don't pity him anymore. The way he made his bed is the "way he effing died in it". Strong language and strong judgement for heinous crimes. The meaning fits. He planned his roadtrip to hell with precision and he enjoyed every damned minute of it. Yahweh is angry at the wicked every day (Psalm 7:11). Even David acknowledged "Do I not hate those who hate You, O YHWH, and detest those who rise against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them as mine enemies." (Psa 139:21,22)
Anyway, I married and moved away, narrowly missing that bullet. Then as a dad 10 years later, I found myself, not living across from a molester of boys surrounded by family members who fiercely protected him, but in another close-knit circle where girls and boys were first groomed, then sexually harassed, molested and violently assaulted. This didn't happen out in the world, and it wasn't down a country lane bordered by woods and a cornfield, nor was it in dark alleys or public schools, and it wasn't at sleep-overs or midnight parties either. Instead it started at Sabbath services, at high noon; in the bathrooms, behind the meeting hall, behind trees where children were lured by the minister's own teenage son, and damnable as it is, even closer home - within the walls of our home (and their home) where vulnerable children were being watched by relatives we had believed were trustworthy to protect them. All this hell occurred in a close-knit fellowship filled with large families, a majority of whom were related. We were some of the relatives. It was a group where attendees were mistaken for "Amish" due to their intentionally conservative attire and emphasis placed on "nonresistance" and "turning the other cheek", and we enthusiasticly supported that. Believer's were "supposed to be a doormat" for the unbelievers coming to the Father, we were taught word-for-word by the minister. Some disagreed with that saying it sounded too much like classic baptist theology, and left years earlier. We should have left with them, but we were young and naive. To turn the other cheek sounded admirable. The minister didn't say we were supposed to be toilet paper, yet ironicly "if they uncover your one cheek, turn the other to them also" might as well have been the motto they subliminally taught the young girls, who were expected to "learn in silence with all subjection" through a misinterpretation of the epistles of Paul. Their website described themselves as a "loose fellowship of Messianic believers" which sounded wonderful to us at the time, seeing we had never been much for strict organizational allegiances. But we had no idea how loose things would become either. The pious pretense was either played incredibly well, or else were were just incredibly naive and stupid. I still haven't figured out which one tipped the scales, but everything turned upside down eventually.
No one said anything at first. Eventually someone did. Then another did. Then there were witnesses. Then I found myself in a group of people unwilling to do anything, and leaders who rebuked anyone for admitting anything that "would make us all look bad". It was a circle of stone hearts and a compromised jury before they even heard the facts of the case; before I even knew some of the darkest facts myself, or that our own precious children were also both victims and witnesses. I watched abusers shielded and victims not believed. I watched some victims which spoke out successfully bribed, and witnesses which refused to be bribed, excoriated. I even watched some of those who spoke out revealed as abusers, only seeking to remove themselves from the spotlight of suspicion rather than to protect those who actually needed protecting.
I watched a brother who was employed by a member of the congregation get fired. A sister told us after talking to the minister that she was relieved everything was ok and our concerns were unfounded. If that doesn't make your head spin, when the minister had barely got done acknowledging - in private, but acknowledging all the same - that there WERE real problems, that his own wife was of the opinion that he'd "been too physical with his daughter", that he "was trying to be very careful", was taking our concerns very seriously, and would step down from leadership to work on solutions to the problems he acknowledged existed. Yet within a matter of days, everything was ok, nothing had ever happened, and he never stepped down either. It was like the miracle of miracles. I know numerous young people of both genders today, who will testify to the inaccuracy of anyone claiming that concerns were just in peoples' heads though, but anything they could have said didn't make a hell of a difference. I also know people to this day who repeat the counter-narrative that nothing ever happened, no one ever had concerns, and we all still love each other - even though they won't give us the time of day. We "left to start a new church", or so the story went down, when in reality, we were treated like we were the sex-offenders, and told by the minister to "stay away from (his) family" for "betraying a trust". Betraying a trust meant I dared to ask a young man if he was sure after he said things implicating his father. It meant my wife dared to talk to a young woman who confided about contemplating suicide since she was 12 years old, because of what she was afraid was going on while she was sleeping, and situations she repeatedly kept awakening to. We were given the option to "drop it" and be kept sidelined, or else leave Mid Maine Messianic Fellowship altogether. We didn't drop it because we couldn't drop it and keep our conscience clean. So to explain our absence, congregants were told that "people had been spreading bad stories around", instead of acknowleding that "bad behavior" had been privately called out by people who could no longer ignore it. Sure, people will squawk and scream that my writing this violates Matthew 18, but this isn't after many many attempts - 10 years of attempts - were made to address concerns Biblically and privately. This is the last step of the Biblical protocol for addressing unresolved sin. No, we were never flat-out told we couldn't come, but we were told in writing that (1) we couldn't question the minister (2) we were no longer part of their fellowship, and (3) subsequent inquiries whether we were welcome to return went unanswered.
Within a couple years they lost their meeting hall. I was the ogre who'd said it would happen, therefore I was the bad guy, the grinch that stole Christmas, the tool of the devil who tore the church down, even though I played absolutely no role in their loss of access to the building. Yahweh used a pot-smoking enviromentalist who purchased it for the highest bid from the town to ensure no child would ever be assaulted there again. It just stands as a reminder that Yahweh is not mocked and the Yahshua whom we endeavor to follow does still turn tables.
Next, the minister lost his 16 year old sister to a married man she met there who wanted a second wife to be his existing childrens' "big sister". Since they "didn't need 2 mommies", their "big sister their dad was having a baby with" is what she became. I may have been faulted for that too, for all I know. The minister, meanwhile, found new hunting grounds 1,800 miles away and moved his family there to help start a new congregation. That doesn't mean the danger went away though. It just means they followed us 2/3rds of the way across the country and resettled with relatives who supported them, barely over an hour from where we'd already tried getting a new start 2 years earlier. I was actually told by someone that they had intended to move closer. I fully realize that there is like a 0% chance of any nefarious motives. Most people guilty of CSA just follow their victims around across the country like that. It's kind of normal.
I've since met with the "leadership" of that new organization and they have been informed of what went on in Maine because they said they wanted to talk to us. Informed, not to ruin people's false reputations, but so they could keep their own children protected. They were only concerned about "whether the children in Maine consented", however, and their lead elder's suggestion was that the abusers and the abused could "get together to play board-games" to start the healing process. This is the same man who was on a "board of elders" with a history of supporting another local convicted child sex offender whose convictions were recently upheld upon appeal. So we won't be fooled again, but that doesn't stop them. Unless they change their hearts, that just makes them some other dad's daughter's danger. Pray with us that some young men have changed course, that the ones who haven't come to their senses, and that some elders can actually get the guts to be men.
I've since received an "apology" from my ex-minister's oldest son who beligerantly asked "What the f*ck I wanted from him?". That was very convincing. He professes to have repented to God, while for years his social media profile continued to "like" photo galleries of scantily clad models and occultic groups posting images of girls on crosses and women being tied up and sexually assaulted. He professes to have confessed to a pastor in Tennessee, whom he says advised all he can do is pray the children he sinned against will forgive him. He described his actions as "the sins of his youth" within a year of commiting them. Maybe he hit maturity on steroids. That sounds nice on the surface, except he never even apologized to those he victimized, and that just transfers fault for the lack of closure to children who DID in fact forgive him while he was still denying he ever did anything. It was in fact forgiveness, even if it was fully unwarranted. Most recently he was still looking up to male supremecist and sex trafficking figures such as Andrew Tate. He'll never be a man. He doesn't even know what a man is, but to use his choice of descriptive adjectives, he's following his f*cking role models.
Yeshua says in John 8:44 "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out his desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, refusing to uphold the truth, because there is no truth in him."
Rev 22:15, Mace New Testament
"But without are the execrable, the poisoners, the licentious, the murderers, the idolaters, and all who are pleased with, or practise deceit.
Weymouth New Testament
The unclean are shut out, and so are all who practise magic, all fornicators, all murderers, and those who worship idols, and every one who loves falsehood and tells lies.
Part 8 Is Next >>
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(Read Part 6 First if you haven't)
Sexual abuse is horrifying. It's even more horrifying if you, or your relatives, or your children, or your faith community have been forced to walk through it. Even more horrifying than that is if you deny the hell that happened, or is still happening around you.
The perverted old pedophile I grew up beside walked free for years, not because no one knew, but because no one said anything, therefore no one did anything. Eventually someone spoke up and he died of AIDs in prison where he at least couldn't steal any more innocence.
When I started speaking out about this 8 years ago, half of me still felt sorry for that disgusting old man who raped teenage boys across the driveway from my bedroom and bragged about measuring their genitals with his tape measure. I've witnessed enough since then that I don't pity him anymore. The way he made his bed is the "way he effing died in it". Strong language and strong judgement for heinous crimes. The meaning fits. He planned his roadtrip to hell with precision and he enjoyed every damned minute of it. Yahweh is angry at the wicked every day (Psalm 7:11). Even David acknowledged "Do I not hate those who hate You, O YHWH, and detest those who rise against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them as mine enemies." (Psa 139:21,22)
Anyway, I married and moved away, narrowly missing that bullet. Then as a dad 10 years later, I found myself, not living across from a molester of boys surrounded by family members who fiercely protected him, but in another close-knit circle where girls and boys were first groomed, then sexually harassed, molested and violently assaulted. This didn't happen out in the world, and it wasn't down a country lane bordered by woods and a cornfield, nor was it in dark alleys or public schools, and it wasn't at sleep-overs or midnight parties either. Instead it started at Sabbath services, at high noon; in the bathrooms, behind the meeting hall, behind trees where children were lured by the minister's own teenage son, and damnable as it is, even closer home - within the walls of our home (and their home) where vulnerable children were being watched by relatives we had believed were trustworthy to protect them. All this hell occurred in a close-knit fellowship filled with large families, a majority of whom were related. We were some of the relatives. It was a group where attendees were mistaken for "Amish" due to their intentionally conservative attire and emphasis placed on "nonresistance" and "turning the other cheek", and we enthusiasticly supported that. Believer's were "supposed to be a doormat" for the unbelievers coming to the Father, we were taught word-for-word by the minister. Some disagreed with that saying it sounded too much like classic baptist theology, and left years earlier. We should have left with them, but we were young and naive. To turn the other cheek sounded admirable. The minister didn't say we were supposed to be toilet paper, yet ironicly "if they uncover your one cheek, turn the other to them also" might as well have been the motto they subliminally taught the young girls, who were expected to "learn in silence with all subjection" through a misinterpretation of the epistles of Paul. Their website described themselves as a "loose fellowship of Messianic believers" which sounded wonderful to us at the time, seeing we had never been much for strict organizational allegiances. But we had no idea how loose things would become either. The pious pretense was either played incredibly well, or else were were just incredibly naive and stupid. I still haven't figured out which one tipped the scales, but everything turned upside down eventually.
No one said anything at first. Eventually someone did. Then another did. Then there were witnesses. Then I found myself in a group of people unwilling to do anything, and leaders who rebuked anyone for admitting anything that "would make us all look bad". It was a circle of stone hearts and a compromised jury before they even heard the facts of the case; before I even knew some of the darkest facts myself, or that our own precious children were also both victims and witnesses. I watched abusers shielded and victims not believed. I watched some victims which spoke out successfully bribed, and witnesses which refused to be bribed, excoriated. I even watched some of those who spoke out revealed as abusers, only seeking to remove themselves from the spotlight of suspicion rather than to protect those who actually needed protecting.
I watched a brother who was employed by a member of the congregation get fired. A sister told us after talking to the minister that she was relieved everything was ok and our concerns were unfounded. If that doesn't make your head spin, when the minister had barely got done acknowledging - in private, but acknowledging all the same - that there WERE real problems, that his own wife was of the opinion that he'd "been too physical with his daughter", that he "was trying to be very careful", was taking our concerns very seriously, and would step down from leadership to work on solutions to the problems he acknowledged existed. Yet within a matter of days, everything was ok, nothing had ever happened, and he never stepped down either. It was like the miracle of miracles. I know numerous young people of both genders today, who will testify to the inaccuracy of anyone claiming that concerns were just in peoples' heads though, but anything they could have said didn't make a hell of a difference. I also know people to this day who repeat the counter-narrative that nothing ever happened, no one ever had concerns, and we all still love each other - even though they won't give us the time of day. We "left to start a new church", or so the story went down, when in reality, we were treated like we were the sex-offenders, and told by the minister to "stay away from (his) family" for "betraying a trust". Betraying a trust meant I dared to ask a young man if he was sure after he said things implicating his father. It meant my wife dared to talk to a young woman who confided about contemplating suicide since she was 12 years old, because of what she was afraid was going on while she was sleeping, and situations she repeatedly kept awakening to. We were given the option to "drop it" and be kept sidelined, or else leave Mid Maine Messianic Fellowship altogether. We didn't drop it because we couldn't drop it and keep our conscience clean. So to explain our absence, congregants were told that "people had been spreading bad stories around", instead of acknowleding that "bad behavior" had been privately called out by people who could no longer ignore it. Sure, people will squawk and scream that my writing this violates Matthew 18, but this isn't after many many attempts - 10 years of attempts - were made to address concerns Biblically and privately. This is the last step of the Biblical protocol for addressing unresolved sin. No, we were never flat-out told we couldn't come, but we were told in writing that (1) we couldn't question the minister (2) we were no longer part of their fellowship, and (3) subsequent inquiries whether we were welcome to return went unanswered.
Within a couple years they lost their meeting hall. I was the ogre who'd said it would happen, therefore I was the bad guy, the grinch that stole Christmas, the tool of the devil who tore the church down, even though I played absolutely no role in their loss of access to the building. Yahweh used a pot-smoking enviromentalist who purchased it for the highest bid from the town to ensure no child would ever be assaulted there again. It just stands as a reminder that Yahweh is not mocked and the Yahshua whom we endeavor to follow does still turn tables.
Next, the minister lost his 16 year old sister to a married man she met there who wanted a second wife to be his existing childrens' "big sister". Since they "didn't need 2 mommies", their "big sister their dad was having a baby with" is what she became. I may have been faulted for that too, for all I know. The minister, meanwhile, found new hunting grounds 1,800 miles away and moved his family there to help start a new congregation. That doesn't mean the danger went away though. It just means they followed us 2/3rds of the way across the country and resettled with relatives who supported them, barely over an hour from where we'd already tried getting a new start 2 years earlier. I was actually told by someone that they had intended to move closer. I fully realize that there is like a 0% chance of any nefarious motives. Most people guilty of CSA just follow their victims around across the country like that. It's kind of normal.
I've since met with the "leadership" of that new organization and they have been informed of what went on in Maine because they said they wanted to talk to us. Informed, not to ruin people's false reputations, but so they could keep their own children protected. They were only concerned about "whether the children in Maine consented", however, and their lead elder's suggestion was that the abusers and the abused could "get together to play board-games" to start the healing process. This is the same man who was on a "board of elders" with a history of supporting another local convicted child sex offender whose convictions were recently upheld upon appeal. So we won't be fooled again, but that doesn't stop them. Unless they change their hearts, that just makes them some other dad's daughter's danger. Pray with us that some young men have changed course, that the ones who haven't come to their senses, and that some elders can actually get the guts to be men.
I've since received an "apology" from my ex-minister's oldest son who beligerantly asked "What the f*ck I wanted from him?". That was very convincing. He professes to have repented to God, while for years his social media profile continued to "like" photo galleries of scantily clad models and occultic groups posting images of girls on crosses and women being tied up and sexually assaulted. He professes to have confessed to a pastor in Tennessee, whom he says advised all he can do is pray the children he sinned against will forgive him. He described his actions as "the sins of his youth" within a year of commiting them. Maybe he hit maturity on steroids. That sounds nice on the surface, except he never even apologized to those he victimized, and that just transfers fault for the lack of closure to children who DID in fact forgive him while he was still denying he ever did anything. It was in fact forgiveness, even if it was fully unwarranted. Most recently he was still looking up to male supremecist and sex trafficking figures such as Andrew Tate. He'll never be a man. He doesn't even know what a man is, but to use his choice of descriptive adjectives, he's following his f*cking role models.
Yeshua says in John 8:44 "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out his desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, refusing to uphold the truth, because there is no truth in him."
Rev 22:15, Mace New Testament
"But without are the execrable, the poisoners, the licentious, the murderers, the idolaters, and all who are pleased with, or practise deceit.
Weymouth New Testament
The unclean are shut out, and so are all who practise magic, all fornicators, all murderers, and those who worship idols, and every one who loves falsehood and tells lies.
Part 8 Is Next >>